wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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