Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Quick, to the slutcave!
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
