Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
