Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
