Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
