i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
