some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
