I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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