watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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