mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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