if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
