Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize