My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
