well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
