He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
