Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
