gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
