Pregnant stripper...not hot.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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