Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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