he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
