He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
