I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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