I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
