Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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