Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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