I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize