She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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