All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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