I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I came so hard my ears popped.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
