Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
