She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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