Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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