yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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