Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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