Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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