When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
