Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
