Already got asked if we're dating
She's JV to your varsity
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
