Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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