So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
