he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Someone came in the potted fern
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
