6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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