I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
