Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
