TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
