the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
