I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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