We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
