He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize