Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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