no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
