Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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