i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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