Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
