Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
