6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize