how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Found the puke drawer
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
