i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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