There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
not ubering you a puppy
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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