...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
