He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
