he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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