I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
