i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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