will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
