If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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