I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
