Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
